This year’s theory. It matters not who you bring in, but who you put out. Ostensibly, it could be true in Wembly. Then again, I could end up tumblin’ down the table. Yes, I’m writing about Gameweek One and yes, the typos are intentionally. That’s my writing style.
In life and in play, conservatism has its ups and downs. Stay scared and cling to the known or venture into the unknown? Alls I’m talking about is the strategy for my Fantasy Premier League team. If you read any further, just know that brazen words end up dusting the sun through the feathered sky.
Do you understand these words? It’s Gameweek 1, bitches.
At the beginning of every season, I spend the last days before the first game thinking about the devils in my lineup. Who burned me in the past?
Bitterness drives me. I refuse to draft Kane in the first week because of ancient slow starts. Salah, not this year, after he lagged behind Mane the week I brought him in, though I already know this means inevitably figuring out how to rearrange the missing pieces once favor changes. Hold grudges like a brick to be chucked through a window to put terror in the hearts of wimps.
Yes, if you are a living breathing person with a willingness to hear, my prime targets also hold history. Aubamayang came in very early in his tenure-one year and blessed the points with a streak. Trent Alexander-Arnold. No further words required.
This trend ends this year, though. Forge out into the wilds, friendo.
Goalkeepers
Aaron Ramsdale (£5.0)
Have no doubt, my strategy is two fold. First, the year of differential. At the beginning of this, Alex McCarthy. Gradually, his stock climbed to the point that he’s the top picked in his position, which means Plan B.
Ramsdale looks forward to light fixtures, a strong demonstration from his performance despite protecting a piss poor defense last season and this year, still a reasonable price. Which brings me to the second of the folds: value.
Spending more to spend less I’m hoping. Ramsdale stays all season if I can help it. He will finish the season in the top five at the position, unless injured. That’s always the rub of course. If that’s the case, he’ll be dropped for a cheaper keeper.
Bailey Peacock-Farrell (£4.0)
Is this guy secret NBC branding content embedded within the game? Surely drafting this Easter Egg will bear good tidings. Truly, only logic at work here is that if Nick Pope gets injured maybe Lord Billingsley Game-Hen somehow ends up deputizing.
Defenders
The following players are listed in order of the length of time I expect them to stick around in the team. I’ve come to the same conclusion as Fantasy Football Scout, so props for stealing my brainwaves, bro. Skip ahead or continue for some especial terrible writing.
Trent Alexander-Arnold (£7.5)
Why did your eyes stop here? You must enjoy jerking off to the words of other people. Don’t worry, I won’t kink shame you.
Kyle Walker-Peters (£4.5)
Seems like a starter.
Justin James (£4.5)
Seems like a backup. Might as well let it slide for a few weeks, until the main dude comes back. Predicted future is that he is transferred out on a wildcard.
Nathan Ferguson (£4.0)
I think I would probably be bringing him in four weeks into the future. Therefore, I shall bring him in now. Time travel!
Rob Holding (£4.5)
Fun with anagrams! Due to some boring hold, I’ve selected Rob Holding. Tune in next week for more fun with Rob Holding Anagrams.
Midfielders
Pierre-Emerick Aubameyang (£12.0)
Go read one of the other thousands of articles and then jump into traffic.
Sadio Mane (£12.0)
Ok, strategy in effect. Two players who I rate equal. The obvious choice is Salah. There’s something about his name that feels like it should be in your team. Sah-lah. Saaaaaah-lah. Say it.
But his ownership is high, and given the same price, my thinking is this: 1) Mane scores the first game. Minor sell-off by Salah owners. 2) Mane scores and Salah scores. Larger sell-off of Salah. It’s easy to think most owners have enough willpower to hold off one gameweek, but two? Cowards. 3) Mane doesn’t score in the third game. Salah hat trick. Buyer’s remorse starts kicking in, but Mane has already raised by a few million. Wildcards start to get thrown about. 4) Aston Villa dissipates like fart in the wind. The last few teams that don’t have Salah or Mane finally give in and buy one or the other. Salah purchased while below his original value, and Salah sold above. Money muddy from Monday’s merry mashing among the mad motorways of the M62.
Uh, the same thing could also happen in reverse. Like despite what I wrote earlier, time travel isn’t real. Oh, I don’t know shit, you silly, silly child.
Harvey Barnes (£7.0)
This is as simple as the kid being good and Leicester gots them good fixtures. I think he’s a guaranteed starter. Certainly ain’t anyone better behind him.
Dele Alli (£8.0)
“They are going to give us
very good chances to fuck them.
Very good chances to fuck them.”
-Cam’ron
This is where the midfield gets awkward. Again the strategy of good memories. Positive results from a past season makes me lean toward Dele Alli, although the smart money is on Son. We are trying to be contrarian here, but to reference the earlier theme, the most important thing this season is who gets pushed out of the team.
Chances are his spot will be taken by Kevin.
Josh Onomah (£5.0)
This is as simple as the kid having a chip on his shoulder. Cheap for an attacking midfielder and likely to start. Doesn’t cost too much to care, and I am willing to hold him for Fulham’s games after Arsenal. Then probably throw him to the Wolves.
Forwards
Anthony Martial (£9.0)
I know I’ll need some players from the Manchesters and this is my United pick. Martial ended up being the cheapest player who also happened to score at least 200 points. I think he could do it again, but I think it’s more likely that he scores less, but still ends up being a good season-long value. Plus, he seems like a nice guy.
What about the blank gameweek? Into it. Every week should have a blank gameweek to keep you on your toes. This is part of that grand plan, though, Don’t plan for the next week, plan for the next four. Failing that, Timo Werner. The lack of Blues in the crew is a sign of failure and also hopefully a little strategy,
Callum Wilson (£6.5)
Now I’m just picking players that I want to see succeed. More importantly, I think Wilson will score a fair bit more than last year’s Bournemouth disappointment. The new-look midfield bears hope for me and maybe Al comes good, too.
Che Adams (£6.0)
Might be the second coming of Callum Wilson’s 18/19 form.
Next Time: A recap of my poor life decisions. Contrition, sadness and maybe, just the smallest dash of joy.